Spira News!
by harvest cleric
Summary: In order to kill that damn feeling of boredom, Rikku comes up with a plan! A plan that'll finally defeat boredom forever! Even though most of Spira will have to suffer.


**Howdy. I be Keiko. Weilder of all things crackish, inappropriate, random, and disturbing. I come here bringing a fic. A fic that will stay in your mind and sting your inner brain elves like a mad hangover. Because this story sure is like that to me.**

**There is no "plot" to this story because I lack the definition to the term "plot". This whole idea is basically Rikku's idea of trying to kill boredom, and thus this chaos has been created.**

**Enjoy.**

"Ahem… is this thing working?", a young female voice rang throughout the airship.

"Yes, it is", a younger male voice confirmed the first voice's question.

"TESTING TESTING ONE TWO THREE"

"I said it was working!"

"Yeesh… all you had to say was that it was working. No need to yell…"

"….ugh…"

The sound of an amplifier crackled as the volume was turned up. "Is the video working?" the girl asked, playing with whatever appealed to her. The younger boy nodded and pointed the camera at the girl. "Yeah, start anytime."

"Okay!"

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Spira News!

Episode One: Premier Part I

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"Hello everyone! Welcome to the first episode of Spira News! I'm your lovely host, Rikku!" Rikku smiled brightly at the camera, seeing an imaginary audience cheering her on. "Yes, yes! Thank you!" She let her head grow just a little more as her invisible fans clapped. "I'm going to give you in-depth reports on what happens in the airship and in various places in Spira!"

More "clapping". The small cameraman sighed. "Rikku, can we speed this part up?" he shook his head, knowing that the older Al Bhed was at the top of her peak. After a good 5 minutes, she came to a pause. "Yes!"

With a cheerful jump, Rikku beckoned for the camera to follow her. "Well then! Let's go!" As if she had just cast haste on herself, Rikku was out of the camera's sight. "…this is ridiculous…" a muffled voice said coming from behind the camera. "HURRY UP SHINRA!" The boy twitched and sighed as his master called him. "…c-coming!"

The camera turned black.

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The camera was in a different room of the airship. Rikku wasn't as close to the camera as last time. She stood there with her normal bouncy stance and seemed ready to start again; her braids bounced every time she did. "Alright and we're back! Let me introduce to you the Spira News crew!", she walked to Yuna, who seemed as excited as Rikku was. "This is Yunie! She's our reporter on what goes on in the airship! She keeps track on the airship's whereabouts and keeps an eye on Buddy and Brother!"

Yuna smiled and waved to the camera, which was shorter than she was. "Hello everyone! I'm Yuna! I'll do my best to give everyone an up-to-date report!" She saluted and laughed. Rikku took a step to the person standing in a relaxed position, arms crossed and smiling, the sun shining on his goggles. "This is Buddy! He is our sphere reporter and Brother's better half!" The mentioned Al Bhed smiled and nodded to the camera.

Rikku turned on her heals and walked to Paine, who was shaking her head in embarrassment for her friends. Why was she dragged into this? Why was Yuna playing along? What made Rikku so bored that she had to broadcast anything she saw onto communication spheres everywhere? Answers she knew would never be answered… and here came Rikku. "This is Paine! She uh… duh… she's cool! She's sorta like the bouncer of the airship and she… has a cool sword? Eh heh heh?" The silvered haired girl sighed in frustration. It wasn't the she wanted to strangle Rikku. Oh no. It wasn't for anything like that at all.

"So Paine! Got anything to say to the people of Spira?" Rikku held the microphone out to her friend.

Paine shot her head up and gave the camera somewhat of a I-am-not-responsible-for-what-is-happening-so-don't-you-**dare-**blame-me look. Taking the hint, Rikku turned around and looked at the camera. "Ah.. Hahaha OKAY! Now let's move on to our reporters from outside the headquarters!"

With a quick press of a button, the Celsius zoomed to the set coordination.

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"I wonder how good the reception her is…" Shinra pondered to himself. Poor kid was dragged into this fiasco. All he wanted to do was test out his new sphere cameras. Now look at where he is. Poor, poor Shinra. Let's all take a moment to pity him.

…

"And we're back! We're here at the Youth League HQ with our representative, Nooj!" Rikku announced when the camera got back online.

The camera moved and zoomed in on Nooj, who looked as miserable as Paine. How exactly he got involved was another story altogether. Refusing now will be futile, seeing as Rikku would have a fit. And the last thing he needed was another headache. Plus, now would be a good chance to advertise the Youth League.

"Greetings everyone. I'm Nooj, leader if the Youth League." Nooj said to the camera, with a fake smile plastered on his face.

"Nooj here is our reporter on warfare, and other activities among the Youth League, New Yevon, and the Machine Faction!" Rikku explained from behind the camera.

Nodding to the statement, Nooj thought he had a perfect opportunity. "Yes, and now let me take this time to announce a new projec--"

"Thank you, Nooj! We're looking forward for your reports!" Rikku cut him off. She gave Shinra the signal to cut the camera.

"Are you nuts? I'm not cutting the camera!" Shinra shouted angrily.

"erjgfjkdgf nooooo! I meant turn it off, dumby!" Rikku twitched, silently yelling at the child. What an oxymoron she created, ne?

When they collected they're equipment, the crew left the tent. 'SEE YA, NOOJ!" The young Al Bhed said oh-so-cheerfully as she left.

Nooj sighed as he fell into his chair. He was beginning to regret this already.

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Gippal cracked his neck, observing Shinra setting up the cameras. He had pity on the poor kid. He had to follow Rikku around with fear of having his equipment being misused if Rikku was left alone without him. Gippal sighed and shrugged. Ah well. At least it wasn't his problem.

"Hey Cid's girl!" he called out to Rikku, who was looking at something "Uh… what are you doing?" the curious Al Bhed narrowed his eyes to see if he can get an idea on what the heck she was looking at.

Rikku peered at some angles of the temple and shook her head. "Jus' figuring out what would be a good angle to shoot from", she replied. Gippal pat his friend on the shoulders and grinned at her. "Don't sweat, kind! I'll take care of it" Hearing that, and being slightly swayed by his words, Rikku nodded. "Okay!"

After a few minutes of setting up the camera, Shinra began shooting.

"We're here at Djose where---"

"Hello there ladies and germs! I'm Machine Faction's own leader, Gippal! Please, please! Hold your applause!" Gippal interrupted Rikku by bumping her out of the camera's view. It seemed that Gippal had an imaginary complex as well, as he was seeing people clap for him. "Okay maybe I'll let ya clap for a bit more."

Geez. Whatta hot headed moron, right? That's what Rikku thought. How dare he take her spotlight! That blown-up-chocobo-look-liking-spotlight-taker-ofer-cause-he's-stupid guy! Rikku kicked the poor fellow in the shins, causing him to fall on his butt.

"Sooo sorry about that! Anyways, I forgot why exactly we were here! So I guess there's no point being here!" Rikku shrugged and smiled at the camera.

Gasp! How dare that twat take his spotlight! Well! He certainly wasn't going to stand for that! Being the sneaky hot guy he was, Gippal snuck behind Rikku and, like any immature boy, he mocked her when she spoke. Rikku, like any other spaced out blonde, didn't notice. That didn't seem to satisfy him one bit. No sir'y bob! So now what does he do? He decided to take it to the next level. Very carefully, his hands found themselves to Rikku's thong straps. Very stealthy, cause he was indeed stealthy, he pulled them high and let them go with a very loud snap.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" like a wild chocobo, Rikku ran around in pain. Curse thongs. The evil, yet convenient lingerie.

"Like I was saying.. I'm here helping out my besty best friend with her 'Project: Kill Boredom with a Obtuse Stick' which apparently turned into this mess. I'm going to be reporting on the newest technology, yadda yadda yadda… … … … hey… this is a pretty cool camera. Hmm. Probably the best that's been created so far." Gippal, totally not focusing, looked into the camera. "… I like this… HEY SHINRA!"

Poor Shinra. Having to be yelled at by two dumb blondes. "…Ow… what? I'm only right here. Holding the camera… and I think I lost my hearing…"

"Can I have ten of these?" The chocobo resembling one asked, poking around, completely oblivious to the fact that millions everywhere were watching him.

"GIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPAAAAAAAALLLLL"

They could here it. The sound. Of a stampede. Of what, though? Shoopuff? No. Hypello in dire need of shaving? No. It was… it was…

"I'M GOING TO KICK YOU ASS TO NEXT TUESDAY!"

Rikku.

Taking this time to properly excuse himself, Gippal stood up straight and gave himself a good distance to get ready. When Rikku got close enough to throttle him, he took a step back and let the girl crash into a rock. Smart.

"Owie…owie…owiiieeeeee" Rikku whined. That must've hurt. Shinra took that as a good time to turn off the camera and pack up. "See ya, Straps!" Gippal lifted the girl up to her feet and messed her hair. He was tired and he wanted a nap. Seeing that this wasn't over AAANND really disliking her new nickname, the angry Rikku took a large rock and hurled it at Mr. I'm-too-sexy-for-may-cat man. She then sprinted as fast as she could, carrying Shinra with her, to the airship.

"SON OF A SHOOPUFF" Gippal swiftly turned around to see where that thong girl had gone, but to find her gone. "Damn. I'll get ya next episode, kid." He said, scratching the back of his neck and walking into the temple.

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Completely exhausted from their last entanglement, Rikku and Shinra were sitting at the cabin, worn out.

"I say… we should… finish tomorrow." Rikku panted, flopped on the bed, completely tired.

"Yes, sounds good." The tired Shinra replied. Though, he wasn't too excited about the idea.

It might turn out to be a lot more eventful than today.

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**This was originally planned out to be one chapter, but because I felt that polluting your minds with this as a reaaallly long chapter, I made it two parts. Yes, yes. I know, I'm too kind. Your welcome.**

**Now, I have more insanity for this story as I have lost of what was left of my sanity when I created this. So please stay tuned for the next episode.**

**Please, please. Don't give me your beautiful sympathy.**

**I have to deal with the consequences.**

**Hearts**


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